Monday, 30 May 2016

My journey • My story • Gods plan

1 year 2 months ago since I stopped working and was put on an injury leave. Over the last year I've had countless test, exams, specialist. I've been in more pain than I thought the human body was possible of handling. But even through all that.. I've never given up HOPE. At any point I could of given up, pick up that cane and continued with my left side getting weaker. Instead through sweat, tears and pain. I worked through it and have come so far. Thanks to my doctor, neurologists, nurse and staff at Almonte, physiotherapist, massage therapist, pharmacist. Just to name a few. I've come SO far. I still have a long way to go. I get so frustrated when I have a set back and my pain comes back and my left arm starts tingling. But I still push through. Because I believe a year from today I won't believe how far I've come. One day at a time.

Injury recovery can be so frustrating!! Because I've put so much  MONEY, TIME and DEDICATION into getting better. 2 times a week of exercises, + massages and + doctors appointments. It takes up so much time. But it's worth the time spent. I've seen such amazing improvements. No more walking or relying on my cane. No more daily migraines/tension headaches. No more all over body debilitating pain. Even with all these improvements. I still deal with migraines, Im still on 3 pain killers. 1 I take daily and two others for as needed. I keep telling myself how far I've come and that this healing process although it's been hard. Emotionally and physically. It's worth all the pain. It just can be frustrating when I'm feeling better so I get more active and than it sets me back and my left side pain comes back and all the progress I made gets put on hold as I have to take my other pain medication again and have to take it easy and rest and stretch the muscles at my workout instead of strength building.

So how do I stay POSITIVE and see the good. When it can be frustrating and such a slow process..? I'm really struggling with this..

But than I remember my story, my journey, ... Gods plan.

That's a big one. Because my human self wants it fixed right now. I want to move on and not look back. I want to not have the set backs. I want to be pain free. I want to be off my medications.

 I want I want I want ... See?? There's a lot of "I" in there. But what about Gods plan. Is He not writing a perfect story for me? Does He not have a plan for me? SO why can't I be patient and trust in Him. Because my selfish human self takes over and I focus on myself instead of focusing on Him.

I'm trying my best to see the good and the IMPROVEMENT and focus on that. But I still have days that are hard.


Why do we always remember the negative?

I woke up feeling sad and didn’t even want to get out of bed.
I could tell it wasn’t going to be a good day, but it hadn’t even started. I wondered what was wrong with me, and why I felt down even before I got up.
Then I remembered, I’d had a big disagreement with my mom the day before! We’d worked everything out and apologized, but those early morning hours were filled with thoughts of negative things we had said to each other.
I knew if I was going to change the way I felt, I had to change what I remembered. Instead of remembering the argument, I chose to remember what was said in our apologies and what was felt in our hugs, before we walked away.

- Renee Swope

We've all done this, or at least I have. I dread conflict or the thought that someone is mad or upset with me. I'm quite the people pleaser. To a fault. I'm learning to have a healthy balance between being generous and giving of myself. But also protecting myself and watching out for people that take advantage of other people. I am slowly learning to stand up for myself and that its ok! You don't have to let people run all over you. I've always had a great relationship with the people close to me. I'm not afraid to speak my mind or give my opinion. Sometimes to a fault. I especially know this of myself when it comes to family. Man am I stubborn!! Ask my husband. He's a saint when it comes to dealing with me sometimes! Lol I know this of myself. It's a good quality when used properly. When I set my mind to something nothing can stop me! But when it comes to things that I should let go of. I can't!! It honestly takes everything in me to let something go sometimes. So how do you find a balance? When you figure it out please let me know! My husband will thank you! Haha. 

I have a bad habit of going over things in my head and if it's bad enough I'll loose sleep over it and I'll stress about it. Why do we seem to focus on the negative? Reply something over and over again in our heads hoping for a different outcome? It's always going to be the same. We can't change the past. But we can learn from our mistakes. So instead of worrying or stressing about how you wish you could change it. its hard! It's human nature. But don't worry about the past or the future. All we have is right now! If you need to right a wrong. Do it. If you need to apologize, swallow your pride and do it. I am writing this more for myself than anyone else. I have a very hard time admitting I'm wrong. It again comes back to my stubbornness. It's something I struggle with and Jon has really helped me to admit when I'm wrong and apologize. He's taught me to let go. Now I'm still human and I'm definitely far from perfect. But it's all a learning process! 

Hope everyone is enjoying this warm weather! Stay cool and try to not let negative people take over your joy. It can be hard to stay positive when surrounded by negative people. Do your best to surround yourself with people that lift you up. If you are surrounded by negative people try to lead by example and keep your chin up!


Thursday, 28 April 2016

Do you find yourself obsessed with cleaning your house?

I recently had a long conversation with a good friend of mine about keeping a clean home. We were both on the same page. We both like to keep a clean and organized home. BUT also living in our home. That means if theres dishes to be done, or dust on the shelves but we want to relax and enjoy time with our husbands or her with her new baby. We will spend time with them and not worry about the dishes as they can be done another time and its OK to live in your home and not have a Instagram home. 

When I say that I mean, keep a clean home. I vacuum, wash the floors, do laundry etc. and keep up with my household chores. But theres some people that can't leave the dishes or just obsess over how their house looks and forget theres more to life than a clean house. 

I grew up in a clean home, my Mom taught me to keep my room clean and organized and we all had household chores. But at the same time if we had dinner and decided to start a board game we weren't forced to clean the kitchen instead of enjoying time spent with family. I loved that my Mom was laid back in that sense. When people came to visit we would do a big clean and our house was always tidy. But there never was stress put on us to keep it perfect! 

I have brought that same attitude into my house now that I'm married and have a house of my own. My house is always clean and well organized. But its not perfect! Its OK to live in your house!! lol I'm not a slob by any means! I just think people can take it to one extreme to another.

I have met people on both sides, people that just leave everything and their house is a disaster! I mean gross.. like hoarder and dirty.. just unclean and unsafe! But than I've met people that are obsessed with keeping their house perfect!

I think both sides are unhealthy. Now thats just my opinion. Of course some people will disagree with me! But I don't lose sleep if I have dirty laundry and I don't lose sleep if we haven't done the dishes. But I like having a organized house. So I feel like I have a happy medium between the two ways I've seen people live. 

I think its up to how you want to live and how you choose to keep your house. Again this is just my opinion and how I choose to keep my house. I know not everyone LOVES organizing like I do and I know some people do lose sleep over having a messy house. I just urge you not to get caught up in all these Instagram/bloggers out there that show one side of their house and you are like 
MY HOUSE IS NEVER LIKE THAT! Because I bet you they cleaned and wiped down that side and took a photo while their kids were down for a nap. Don't stress yourself if your house isn't perfect! Set realistic goals, clean and manage your house to the best of your ability. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed with trying to be perfect, and enjoy time with your Mom, your family, your husband, your children, your grandchildren what ever stage you are in who ever you have in your life. Its a constant struggle to find a happy balance.

What are your thoughts? How do you keep your house? 

I hope everyone is enjoying their spring cleaning inside and out! Maybe thats what got my mind on all this. All the spring cleaning and organizing I'm doing in my house :)

Have a blessed weekend,

Saturday, 16 April 2016

Spring is more than just cleaning... It's a new beginning!

Today is going to be a busy Saturday. Spring cleaning outside at our place, helping my Dad get his boat ready, than dinner at the Mains house.

 It was leg day yesterday.. Hope my muscles can keep me upright today. Lol with a busy day like today. Maybe it wasn't a great idea to have leg day on a Friday. After a full day of baby sitting. lol 

 it feels good to have the warm weather and I hope it's here to stay. This winter wasn't horrible. It just came late, so it felt long. 

I have a spring cleaning list all ready... So the weather better be here to stay! 

Spring cleaning list 

Clean/ organize 

work shop
Chicken coop
Office/craft room 
Kitchen cupboards


Rearrange living room 

Steam clean both rugs 

Built gate for living room 

Put up "Mains" sign 

Spring/summer list 

Build mudroom entrance in family room

Finish chicken coop

Bring mulch over for gardens 

Weed out side garden by dog run

Split plants and bring to back garden 

Put in new mail box post 

I love organizing and having a list to go by. It's been really hard for me to give up the things I love over the past year. It's one of the hardest repercussion of this injury. Is having everything I love, everything I enjoy stripped from me and taken away. Knowing this injury could of been prevented. Kills me. Slowly my strength is coming back. Buts it's been a LONG PAINFUL year for me. First being unable to work and than not even being able to take care of my own home. It leaves me frustrated!! I have my pity parties. But than I pick myself back up again. Because this journey is mine and mine along. I have the strength through Christ to make it through. God has put some amazing people. Family, friends, doctors, physiotherapist, personal trainers, massage therapist in my life to get me through. It's coming on one year since I stopped working. One year since I made a change that needed to happen. One year since I walked away from what I thought was my future career. I don't regret the choices I made over the last 3 years. It's been a journey and you learn from your mistakes. You make choices based on where you are in life. I have more knowledge now than I did. I know my own strength inside and out. 

Spring isn't just about spring cleaning for me. It's a new beginning. It's a next chapter in my life. What direction will my life take over this year. I don't know. I hope for more progress. I hope I haven't hit a platoo in my healing progress. I hope I continue to build strength. I hope the pain goes away to the point I can get off of all my pain medication. Maybe one day.. But for now I'm greatful for the little things,,

Doing laundry by myself
Cooking and cleaning again
Walking 10min (without assistance from a cane)
30min work outs including 30 squats
Only having 2-3 migraines a week instead of daily

Do I wish I could run instead of just walk. Do I wish my knees would have the strength to do that?

Do I wish I could lift more than 5lbs without causing damage and pain to my neck?

Do I wish I was headache free?


But and here's the hardest thing to come to the realization. It takes TIME. One step at a time. One day at a time. One moment. I have the fight in me to NEVER let anything or anyone damage me again. I have the fight to get better and be STRONGER than I was. That strength is in me and always has been. I was born a fighter and I'll never stop. I got through this year. God got me through it. And I will never stop being thankful for how far He has gotten me. 

What are your spring cleaning plans?


Wednesday, 2 March 2016

I pray and put it into action..

Reading this post this morning really hit me. I was reading a post that stated "Just because you have prayed. Doesn't mean it finishes there". It went on, its just started.. You need to pray and then put it into action. God won't just answer your prayer by a big banner. You need to pray and ask for guidance. Than put it into action. Its true that people just write "praying for you", or "I prayed and nothing happened", or "Where is God".

"I’m not a quitter.

And neither are you.

Just because it looked like it was over the first time, the second time or even the third time, doesn’t mean it’s finished. It just means something got in your way, but now you’re picking it back up.

When our tiniest efforts meet God’s supernatural grace, we begin to experience the blessing of God’s plans prevailing in our lives.

Lord, thank You for the grace You give us when we pick things up again. Help me to be a woman who doesn’t give up on the commitments I’ve made to You or others. I want to see Your plans prevail in my life. Show me what has gotten in the way."

- Nicki Koziarz

He is there for you. Just look for the answers around you. One of my favorite jokes/quotes my Dad always says:

A man is on top of a building during a flood. He prays for God to save him. A raft with survivors comes and asked him to join him and he says he's waiting for God to save him. A boat comes and asked him to come aboard. The man states he is ok and he is waiting for God to save him. A helicopter comes and the man states again that he is waiting for God to save him.  The flood eventually rises and the man dies. When he goes to heaven he asked God I prayed for you to save me and I was faithful where were you? God says I sent a raft, a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want? 

Although its a cute funny joke. Its true, Christians just believe if their faithful, if they pray hard enough. Some how JUST doing that God will save them. Sometimes God puts people, doctors, family etc. in your life for YOU. You are just to busy looking for s huge sign that you miss all the little things around you.

Have a blessed week! Continue to pray, read your bible and watch for people in your life that God sent your way.


Saturday, 13 February 2016


Life is full of choices. Of different decisions. Some big things that can be life changing. Some are just every day. If it's just not lashing out at things that might stress you out. Or letting stress go. Those life choices. Can be easy.. Can be hard. I've learned a lot about making decisions and choices. It's not been easy. Stress can consume you if you let it. It can consume your sleep. It can consume your thoughts. It can consume your life. If you let it.

One major lesson I learned is.. Letting go. That's hard for me. I hold onto things. I overthink sometimes. And I worry.

The bible has a lot to say about worry and stress.

It can still be hard. As humans we want answers now. We want results now. We want to know how something will turn out. And those thoughts can really destroy you. Leave it with God. He is in control. He has a plan for EVERYTHING. That can be hard to understand. Especially when bad things are happening.

How can God allow bad things to happen?

It's all part of His great plan. I was told once to think of my life as part of a great tapestry. Each part of my life makes up more of it. Each "life lesson" adds to it. We only see a small portion of it. And it's hard to understand what it will look like. But once you step back and see the whole picture. You understand why something happened. Now that's not with everything. You also have to trust. God does everything for His glory. His plan. And trust me, if you follow Him. He's got an amazing story He's writing. My life circumstances happened for a reason. Sometimes I've been blessed to see why it happened and how it changed my life and the course I was on. But something I've had to learn to let go and trust God and His plan.

How do you stop your mind from racing? All those negative thoughts? Give them to God. Say God I can't handle this.. It's to much for me to handle. Please help me. BE HONEST! Prayer isn't just about giving thanks or asking for forgiveness. It's our way to communicate with God. He knows your every thought. So just ask. That's all it takes. He will send His peace to you. If you let go of it. And put your trust in Him. Trust me. He will be able to carry you when you're weak. He will hold you when you're sad. He'll bring you back when you're lost. He is your father. He cares so deeply about you. He won't lead you astray.

Life is difficult. Life is full of joy and blessing though. See the good. Let go of the negative. Enjoy this life you have been given. Ask God for help in times of need and thank Him for the blessings you have.

Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

We put our hope in the one who is with us no matter what. We put our faith in the one that died for us. We put our trust in the one that will never leave us. We cling to Him when there's nothing else to cling to. People ask me how can you be so joyful? How can you be so strong? With all that has happened to you.. Well.. It's just that.. It's not my strength. It's not my joy. It's Gods love. Gods peace. Gods joy. He is there for me no matter what. In times of difficulty He holds me close and I just pray. And pray. And pray. And He never ceases to amaze me. We are designed to want something bigger. We are designed to need something. It's that nagging feeling that there's more to life. That's God pulling you towards Him. Over this past year with my health scare. I had nothing to cling to but Him. He was beside me whispering words of comfort during those sleepless nights. He walked beside me when I couldn't take any steps due to the pain. My body was in such excruciating pain. That I didn't think I could go on.. Not like that. And God reached down and helped me through it. When you're broken. He fixes you. He NEVER left my side. When I was scared and frightened and unsure of the future. He gave me hope for the future. What is the point of life and living.. If you're not living for Him?? Life has to have purpose. Otherwise, what are we all doing here? Is it to party, is it to make lots of money, is it to buy a bigger house, a faster car, a better job, more travel, more time?.. You get one life. You have this one opportunity to live your life with some meaning. Live it for Him. He promises eternal life in Him. He promises life if you follow Him. Eternal life in heaven is what we're living for. We have this one life to live until we go to be with Him if you're saved in Jesus. That's my hope. That's my future. Is with Him. I cling to His plans. Plans of hope, plans of a future. In Him. 

It won't be easy to let go. But it will be worth it.

Peace He left with us. His peace that surpasses understanding.


Sunday, 24 January 2016

New year... New beginnings

Life is full of obstacles. If this year has taught me anything it's that. I've been dealt some bad hands in the past. Definitely haven't had an easy year dealing with this injury. But I truly believe this year will bring closure to that. I've put up a fight, daily. I've dealt with chronic pain. Debilitating pain. But I've had some amazing doctors, specialist, friends and family by my side through this. God was there by my side. He gave me strength. His strength to get through it. I didn't do it on my own. God is good!

This year has some amazing memories. Being on a injury leave and now staying at home until I heal. I've had the time to spend time with family and friends. I've been able to not allow my "job title" to define me. I am a strong, smart individual and I am more than the place I work. I've learned to be a better wife, a better home maker, a better friend. I've made time for people and not let my work take over my life. This year has taught me that.

I hope everyone had an amazing 2015 and I can't wait to see what 2016 has in store for me. Hopefully a lot less pain, a lot more laughter. A lot more joy, more peace. I pray that I can see the blessings in my daily life, despite the struggle. I pray that I continue to grow in Gods grace and love.